• the vandal tortoise

best super bowl ads 2020 :D

Updated: Mar 2

It was Sunday and they had that half off deal over at our famous sushi spot. It was a normal cloudy weather contrasting beautifully with Miami’s Super Bowl weather. We picked up some double dog IPA afterwards at a steep price but needed something to wash down that horrible taste of edibles and conjure our spirits up for another great Super Bowl Sunday. Plus, they’re like 2 beers crammed into one, right? I was zoning out half of that time after one, but that comes later… It was unusually warm, so we had a nice window-rolled-down drive to my friends place where it was all going DOWN. We go downstairs where the flat screen looks like a projector and without further ado the biggest game of professional football was underway, aside from the pro bowl of course. Every American was getting drunk with their family, friends with the Tostitos and salsa at an arm’s length, and mine was hardly any different.


The next thing I know it was 10 – 10 all tied up and the game was looking Even Stevens. Then it was half time and I was ecstatic. It wasn’t J. Lo or Shakira, no, I was ready to see some life-changing commercials. Like fucking smaht pahk. Which had me giggling and amused from the very first second I saw Captain America – I mean Chris Evans… with that massive Boston accent. The accent which I realized was just something I didn’t have enough of in my life. Using familiar friendly faces like that other guy from the Office and everyone in the commercial owning this amazing accent it’s hard not to watch the whole way through! Its undeniable how funny and smaht this car is. It so lighthearted I almost forgot that I was mad I had to watch ANOTHER commercial in my life. All in all, I was really starting to enjoy this year’s most-hyped game in football. But it wasn’t only the funny ads that were life changing. I could never forget the heart-touching New York Life commercial where love takes a whole new meaning. Right there in the middle of my friends living room, where we were supposed to be having a good time. I was ready to bawl my eyes out, my life flashing before me tripping on DMT. It’s a must-see. The room gets quiet and the soft women’s voice guides you through the different words the Greeks used for love and as far as I can tell, pronounces them correctly. Like a slow soft jazz tune from Kamasi Washington you’ll reflect your life about what love means to you. Turns out it’s like life insurance. I did not know. And my last favorite, in no particular order, just ‘cause of the relevancy in my life. A show I would get super high to and watch with my best mates back in the day. The Rick and Morty pringles commercial was fantastic, yet stupid. For a second I thought I jumped into watching the show, and in the show they watched a commercial. I was deep in the Rick-and-Morty watching state. I loved how even though it was a pringles commercial they were still seen as the, “I’m the, bad guy” because Rick mentions how the people in the commercial aren’t paid enough; and that they were stolen in their sleep. How do they get out? You ask. Who knows? Suddenly Morty shows ups stuttering with an arm full of pringles commercial conveniently after watching the commercial on the tv, on our tv… hmmm, suspicious? Morty tells everyone to try out some new pringle stack combo, hmmm… very casual! But Rick sees right through it and I’m just confused like what is even real anymore. They always seem to explain in it in the end though. It was genuine, it was like they took an excerpt from a scene and just inserted pringles into it. Rick is freaking out and mentions that he was “warned about this”, like what?! Ugh Rick you did it again! It was a little sad to see a Rick and Morty commercial but it’s not like it’s an underground show anymore, I guess. But hey “everybodys gotta eat” and at least they were shitting on them the whole time. it’s sort of like this dystopian world that their trapped in, bombarded with Mortys, Mortys’s? shoving pringle stack combos down their throats! well they weren’t that rough but anyway as youtuber named “your pet named farquhar” mentioned “Looks like Rick isn’t even safe from the consequences of selling out…”


In the end none of this mattered other than the giant push by big companies to turn us into this consumerist sheep… which we already are. When was the last time you didn’t buy something? But like I said it doesn’t matter the Kansas city Chiefs prevailed and the next big thing on my mind was Bojack Horseman – I mean GOB --- I mean Will Arnett as the host to this show called “Lego Masters” but sadly it was time to smoke a cig and sober up. Those ravaging dogs that were clawing at my brain, blurring my vision, slowing my speech, and forgetting all the other ads. I don’t think anybody needs more advertisements in their life. Except the ones Don Draper does.