• dr. tortoise

god damn us all

I decided that I would just hunker down, get drunk, and play ps3. It’s now been around a month since everything has closed and it’s much easier to type that, than live it. Time has stood still but also has been a blur. We don’t even know what day it is; it feels like yesterday was April fools.

“it couldn’t be that serious” I thought

Still we cut off rando's and just hung out with select friends and family.

“everything's closed, where am I going to catch it?” I thought again

My biggest fear were those darn supermarkets,

“too many heads” I thought… and on top of that they’re all breathing.

I picked up some groceries, fruit to keep my immune system in tiptop shape and mezcal because… it was now or never. We were getting ready for the purge. I carried around my knife like how the cowboys carried their gun…

“There was no time to buy a gun”

besides gun sales are background checks were up which meant more breathing heads in a room. Reminds me a little about the beginning of this thing. I played a lot of call of duty zombies; it was starting to feel a little too realistic though. Anxiety induced and watching-your-back warnings blinking in the corners of my mind like a check engine. So, I ignored it. Soon I got past the point taking shots and living in my alternate life in Skyrim so I started venturing outside a a bit taking some walks. This was around the time same time one of my friends was spewing paranoid non-sense that was beginning to make sense. WE need to never see the light of day until this shit over. He never left his basement, didn’t trust anyone; and if we hung out, it was going to be six feet apart outside. I was watching a lot of the news and was having not so distant memories of strange and scared dreams of the apocalypse, prequels to some sort of ptsd. I would pray in the mornings to see something else on the tv today. It was feeling like my health was deteriorating but maybe It was because I haven’t gotten a hug or dap in weeks. Isn’t it ironic that for our health we have to stay away from each other? Well we should listen to the professionals over at the “white house corona task force” led by VP Mike Pence, cause he’s a doctor. From the start we knew their daily updates were bullshit but it’s entertaining to see the orange faced reality tv star snap at reporters on their “nasty” questions. Anyway, spring has sprung and my friend and I were celebrating so we rode one of those dirty uber scooters on the national mall. I overheard this homeless man coughing it up in tentville down next to the white house and I thanked god I had a roof over my head where I can quarantine. I think I started to feel a little something in my throat. I had flashbacks of riding that scooter a few days ago. I didn’t feel tip top, but I thought it was just allergies. I was getting some strange vibes and I couldn’t sit still maybe I needed a spirit or my adhd was kicking in.

“self-diagnosis is never good” I thought.

I went to bed with an upset stomach…

“gastrointestinal problems… apparently that is symptom,” I told my friend.

“what’s not a symptom?” he asked me

“hmmm” I sat quietly.

Or it was that popeyes spicy chicken sandwich, ‘cause it always made my stomach hurt. But I just don’t go enough so I forget and think it’s a good idea the next time. So I’m laying in bed something crept up my throat like a ninja! I started getting chills, and my chest was hurting. I was trembling like a psycho and felt empty from no humanity. Some other nights I would have blamed my shortness of breath and heart pounding to the daily news, but I couldn’t ignore this

“guess I didn’t wash my hands enough” I thought

Half a minute later and I went to the bathroom and shat rain. The next few days were a little shortness of breath and chest tightening but I down cough syrup and pills of acetaminophen like a rapper and I live to tell the tale. Now we need to figure what to do so we don’t die from boredom. Constant struggles of feeling accomplished with our time. Trying to do other things than stare at screens making our eyes red… which I heard might be a symptom! What sad times, you are not alone.


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